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An often overlooked aspect of treating cancer is what I call 'after the event. That is, when your loved one has died. The coming months are a particularly difficult time for these people.
There is a real danger that during this time stations person suffering from substance abuse to overcome the trauma. This is understandable, but not always the best course of action. You can find myself drinking too much (much more than the recommended amount per week) during the months following death.
My experience is that, then gradually reduced to a reasonable level. I am not advocating drinking as a way to cope. But I am realistic that some people get off of this root, so be aware of this behavior.
Being angry and crying, but at the same time, are common emotions after the event. Do not be embarrassed by this. It is perfectly normal. Just try to avoid hurting yourself and others! I found walking in the countryside was useful, especially up and down hills. Physical exertion will make you feel better and get rid of some of the repressed emotion.
Family and friends should monitor each other if possible. After a trauma is so often the case that people are locked and reject any social contact. Pick up the phone and call the others. Keeping in touch with someone who has lost a spouse or partner is very, very important.
They have become accustomed to being with a particular person, often for decades, so try to imagine the surprise when that person is removed from them, especially if sudden. Try to organize an event (theater, cinema, etc.) so you still feel part of the "family" and will socialize them again.
It's natural to be more alert immediately after the event, but do not let it slip to long periods of time between the contact in the future.
They say "Time heals." I say "Time makes it hurt less."
At day's end, death is part of life. We just have to learn to deal with it.
There is a real danger that during this time stations person suffering from substance abuse to overcome the trauma. This is understandable, but not always the best course of action. You can find myself drinking too much (much more than the recommended amount per week) during the months following death.
My experience is that, then gradually reduced to a reasonable level. I am not advocating drinking as a way to cope. But I am realistic that some people get off of this root, so be aware of this behavior.
Being angry and crying, but at the same time, are common emotions after the event. Do not be embarrassed by this. It is perfectly normal. Just try to avoid hurting yourself and others! I found walking in the countryside was useful, especially up and down hills. Physical exertion will make you feel better and get rid of some of the repressed emotion.
Family and friends should monitor each other if possible. After a trauma is so often the case that people are locked and reject any social contact. Pick up the phone and call the others. Keeping in touch with someone who has lost a spouse or partner is very, very important.
They have become accustomed to being with a particular person, often for decades, so try to imagine the surprise when that person is removed from them, especially if sudden. Try to organize an event (theater, cinema, etc.) so you still feel part of the "family" and will socialize them again.
It's natural to be more alert immediately after the event, but do not let it slip to long periods of time between the contact in the future.
They say "Time heals." I say "Time makes it hurt less."
At day's end, death is part of life. We just have to learn to deal with it.
Posted in: cancer
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